December 2010
55 posts
A Gorse is a Gorse, of course, of course
She: ...And gorses. wait what? horses lol. gorse. it's a horse-goose hybrid animal....
Me: Oh I've heard about those... They shit all over the place and make a lot of noise in the morning
She: Exactly. They fly, but extremely low to the ground. Dangerously low.
Me: From a distance they look like fat ostriches and they glide very lop-sided.
She: A giant fat ostrich with four legs and hooves.
Me: My grandma got knocked into a frog pond by a Gorse, which is why she always carried a BB gun with her until the day she died
aridiculousaccusation-deactivat asked: You are awesome and I love your blog.
bridgestonowhere-deactivated201 asked: I can not find the right girl to have a relationship with. The last girlfriend I had moved 800 miles away in February, almost a year ago. I have a lot of frustration because I really want a girl to be in a relationship with. Is there something that I'm doing wrong?
Anonymous asked: how does it feel? to be without a home? like a complete unknown? like a rolling stone?
chappeddlips-deactivated2011050 asked: i love your blog- makes me laugh so much :D
Anonymous asked: Who taught you about Cockblocking?
Anonymous asked: How long have you been doing this, and is it a fulfilling part of your life?
“Every artist was first an amateur.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Bar Chat Strikes Back
Girl: What's your last name, Charlie?
Me: You'll never believe me.
Girl: Now you have to tell me.
Me: I don't have to do anything for you.
(Awkward silence)
Me: I'm just messin' with ya.
Girl: haha. Phew.
Me: My last name is Spaghettios
Girl: Your last name is Spaghettios?
Me: Yup. Charlie Spaghettios
Girl: Haha. Seriously?
Me: My grandfather invented Spaghettios. He named it after himself.
Girl: I thought Spaghettios were called Spaghettios cause they were made out of Spaghetti and shaped like 'O's.
Me: Common mistake. All good.
Girl: Wow. That's pretty cool. Do you get a lifetime supply of Spaghettios?
Me: What's your last name?
Girl: Lewis.
Me: Do you get a lifetime supply of Lewis?
Girl: What?
(Awkward silence)
Anonymous asked: I've been offered a shift manager position at my job.
It is my first job I've been working their for about 7 months.
I work at McDonalds. I am only thinking about taking it because I will go from a min of 8 to 10 bucks an hour, and it will help a lot with my school expenses.
The thing is our restaurant manager is a complete [forgive my language] bitch!
She...
It is my first job I've been working their for about 7 months.
I work at McDonalds. I am only thinking about taking it because I will go from a min of 8 to 10 bucks an hour, and it will help a lot with my school expenses.
The thing is our restaurant manager is a complete [forgive my language] bitch!
She...
goldentemples asked: I'm debating which gives me more man power;
Beards vs Chest Hair.
I can only choose one,
because the (wo)men only like only one or the other.
Which carries the most testosterone?!
Beards vs Chest Hair.
I can only choose one,
because the (wo)men only like only one or the other.
Which carries the most testosterone?!
Anonymous asked: What are your thoughts on dating a next-door neighbor?
Anonymous asked: Thanks Charlie. They're my favorite band. It just feels weird.
Anonymous asked: As a (young) lady, is it uncool/pathetic to go to a sit-down concert alone on NYE?
rayann-schuck asked: I'm a LITTLE on the short side. How can I embrace this? Do you have any manly advice for the vertically challenged?
Even though I am female, I like to follow your manly advice.
Even though I am female, I like to follow your manly advice.
ifthisisajoke asked: Sometimes I wish I was a man so that I could hand out manly advice like you. Plus I still think it'd be awesome to pee standing up.
ifthisisajoke asked: Sometimes I wish I was a man so that I could hand out manly advice like you. Plus I still think it'd be awesome to pee standing up.
Relationship Advice. Chapter 2
ifthisisajoke:
hatstamp:
If you love someone, if you really really love someone, if you really really really really really really love someone, you’re probably a stalker.
(this was always one of my personal favorites)
“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered...”
– C. Forbes
ifthisisajoke asked: Dear Abby, I mean Charlie. Apparently I have a problem with falling in love with fictional characters, like Malcom Reynolds, Han Solo and Dragonball Z's Piccolo. Can I get over them? Do I really need to/want to? I'm eagerly awaiting your manly reply.
thisismyboard asked: you seem to be the love doctor tonight... ;-)
whiskeyandgoatsmilk asked: OK, this fucking snow storm has ruined any holiday cheer that was left in me. The street has not been plowed once and my parents (whom i love but lets face it, family and fish stink after four days) can't leave my small apartment. Leaving them to stay here for ?? amount of time. I'm sleeping on the couch and haven't been in a room alone in 5 days. 311 wont even answer my calls...
Anonymous asked: I seem to have fallen for a guy.
This guy is a marine. A couple months before he left, sadly, he got himself a gf, Never seemed to stop him from wanting to be close to me.
He comes back from boot camp in January & from a man's point of view
what should I do? say?
This guy is a marine. A couple months before he left, sadly, he got himself a gf, Never seemed to stop him from wanting to be close to me.
He comes back from boot camp in January & from a man's point of view
what should I do? say?
herofetish-deactivated20110917- asked: When it comes to pizza in NYC, what's the best one to check out? I've heard of many Ray's & Tony's but nothing authentic.
Best recommendations?
Best recommendations?
Anonymous asked: i am in love with someone who is in love with me...but we are in a situation that makes it not possible.
youroldarchenemycatwoman asked: whenever I "like" one of your posts the little red heart flashes on and off like it's beating or something.
it only does this with your posts.
it's so strange. confounding even.
it only does this with your posts.
it's so strange. confounding even.
Anonymous asked: how do you fall out of love? i'm in a jam and i need to know.
(doesn't need to be manly advice, as i'm not a man)
(doesn't need to be manly advice, as i'm not a man)
bar chat!
Me: My name is Charlie.
Girl: And what do you do, Charlie?
Me: I make scents.
Girl: You make sense?
Me: Haha. Little industry joke. I make perfumes.
Girl: Oh wow! Any that I would know?
Me: Maybe. Have you tried Bette Midler for men?
Girl: You're fucking with me.
Me: No. Bette Midler for men.
Girl: Why would any man want to smell like Bette Midler? Wh.. What does she even smell like?
Me: Lavender, Lake salt, burnt cork, brusque timber, rope and pineapple.
Girl: Shut up.
Me: And horse shoes.
Girl: You're a liar. That makes no sense, anyway.
Me: I'm just kidding.
Girl: Is your name even Charlie?
Me: Haha. No.
bar chat!
Me: My name is Charlie.
Girl: And what do you do, Charlie?
Me: I make scents.
Girl: You make sense?
Me: Haha. Little industry joke. I make perfumes.
Girl: Oh wow! Any that I would know?
Me: Maybe. Have you tried Bette Midler for men?
Girl: You're fucking with me.
Me: No. Bette Midler for men.
Girl: Why would any man want to smell like Bette Midler? Wh.. What does she even smell like?
Me: Lavender, Lake salt, burnt cork, brusque timber, rope and pineapple.
Girl: Shut up.
Me: And horse shoes.
Girl: You're a liar. That makes no sense, anyway.
Me: I'm just kidding.
Girl: Is your name even Charlie?
Me: Haha. No.
“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”
– Mark Twain
fredbabyblog asked: Not heard from you for a while, has frost bite set in, would a shipment of reese's peanut butter cups help?
youroldarchenemycatwoman asked: what movies are on the agenda?
whenwolf asked: What's the manliest thing you've ever done?
golightlywannab asked: Hello, I'm a big fan. :) What are you most proud of? What is your greatest accomplishment?
fredbabyblog asked: Do you have enough peanut butter to survive?
youroldarchenemycatwoman asked: happy Christmas Charlie.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent,...”
– Charles Darwin
Anonymous asked: AW SHIYAT. DIS MANLY ASS MOFO KNOW WHAT HE BE DOING.
AWWWW YEAAH. TIME TO GO SHOOT UP MY HOES, OR SOMETHING ALONG THAT LINE.
AWWWW YEAAH. TIME TO GO SHOOT UP MY HOES, OR SOMETHING ALONG THAT LINE.
Anonymous asked: I AIN'T EVEN MAD
failfox asked: How does one have a Manly Merry Christmas?
Jesus is manly.
T’was On this day jesus built a giant fort out of pine trees, lit them up and defeated the rabbit of easter who tried to crucify him for the 1st but not last time.
Upon his victory, Jesus froze the rabbit in a block of ice and employed his portly older brother James to keep watch over him in the Arctic.
So the bunny’s minions wouldn’t come looking for him, James assumed an...
failfox asked: How does one have a Manly Merry Christmas?
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”
– William Shakespeare
seaofennui asked: Do your manly words of wisdom apply to the Old Spice guy or even yourself. This sentence doesn't end with a question mark because it is not manly to ask questions - (if that isn't already a piece of manly advice that you so generously give, it should be).
rayann-schuck asked: You can remake any movie. You can have as much money as needed. Every actor/actress is at your disposal. There are no limits.
What movie would you remake, and why?
What movie would you remake, and why?
interrobangjargon asked: how do you get over a lost love?
purplepandapimpslap asked: How would you describe the perfect day?
notean asked: would you rather never be able to scratch your back, or your balls again?